The school of Marriage

Follow me as I unravel the things you never knew about marriage, I opened the book and it read:

THE SCHOOL OF MARRIAGE, Things you need to know.

A school where you will never graduate,

A school without a break or a free period,

A school where no one is allowed to drop out,

A school which you will have to attend every day of your life,

A school where there is no sick leave or holidays.

A school founded by God:

1).On the foundation of love,

2).The walls are made out of trust,

3).The door made out of acceptance,

4).The windows made out of understanding

5).The furniture made out of blessings, and the Roof out of Faith

Please Note: 

# You are just a student not, the principal, God is the Principal

# In  storms, don't be unwise and run outside, remember this school is the safest place to be. :-)

# Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day

# Never forget the C-word, communicate, communicate, communicate to your classmate and to the principal

# If you find out something in your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate.

Remember your classmate is also just a student not a graduate, God is not finished with him/her yet. So take it as a challenge and work on it together.

Do not forget to study, study, study your Bible (the main textbook in this school), Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way. Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to. when tempted to quit find courage and continue. Some tests and exams may be tough but remember the Principal knows how much you can bear.

But still it is a school better than any other, It is one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and happiness accompany each lessons of the day. Different subjects are offered in this school, yet LOVE is the major subject, after all the years of theorizing about it, now you have a chance to practice it. To be loved is a good thing, but to love is a greatest privilege of them all.

MARRIAGE IS A PLACE OF LOVE, SO LOVE YOUR SPOUSE.

Special Thanks to Akin Adeboye

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THE TEN LEVELS OF FRIENDCEPTION

I would like to take you into ten Levels of Friendception 

Friendception (Level 1): When she first says you are more like a brother to me # chaiii

Friendception (level 2): When she feels very confident telling you about the guy she likes and wants your opinion about him

Friendception (level 3): when she introduces you to the guy she likes as her best friend ‪#sigh

Friendception (level 4): when she needs your help in getting the guy she likes a valentine or birthday gift. ‪#justplainharsh

The first 4 levels of Friendception can actually be gotten out of by doing either of these two things (1) end the friendship (drama style) (2) Friend zone her as well and repeat level 1 - 4 on her. and make her jealous. However she fit no jealous lol in that case ‪#issoraiiii

Once you enter Friendception level 5 and above, don't try to fight it. the more you do the deeper you sink :-( 

Friendception (Level 5):  when she takes you underwear shopping telling you to help her choose because you are a guy and you know what looks good #comeonnn

Friendception (Level 6): when she feels no harm while sleeping with you on the same bed #oneminutesilence

Friendception (Level 7): when she gets pregnant or gets dumped and she runs to you because ur always there for her #nowthashiicray

Friendception (level 8): Mum notices you guys are too close and then she tells mum it can never happen because your just friends #chaiiii

Friendception (level 9): she gets naked in front of you, she says "please hand me the towel" and doesn't even notice you #itisover

Friendception (level 10): Introduces you to her fiancee, then the wedding and asks you to give a speech #spoilthewedding hahahahahahaha

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FRIENDCEPTION

How on earth, did I let myself get into this! Why am I giving this speech! What the Heck! (Pardon my French) *crying inside*. Reality is slowly dawning on me. Am I truly giving a speech at Megan’s wedding ceremony? 

By the way Megan is the girl I have crushed on since I was seven years old. I remember vividly the first day at French lessons. She was the smart one, and I was the class jester. I was always making a fool of myself just to put a smile on her face. We got along so well, we were like bread and butter, she was the bread and I was the butter, little did I know she would later get married to “Peanut butter”. I remember our teachers were always teasing, saying we would end up together and all she would reply was, “No! He is more like a brother to me”. Yes I was put in the friend zone even before my voice cracked.

I remember clearly the first guy she ever had a crush on, gosh! how could I forget, she kept me up all night telling me about him, and even asking me about my opinion and approval of him. Well I said he wasn't good enough for her (#don’t judge me). As my luck would have it two weeks later they started dating and I was introduce to him as her besty (best friend).  I even got to choose her prom dress and had the honour of seeing it first. How beautiful she looked, how i wish she even knew how much I liked her. But NO way!!  Why you might ask? Because I was Friend zoned. And just so you know, Yes!! I was kept in the friend zone all through my teenage years.

*Fast forward to when I was twenty*, I got taller and more handsome (if I might say so myself). This is where it gets interesting. The straw which broke the camel’s back, came when she called me from class and begged me to go lingerie shopping with her, so she could get her boyfriend something special. I honestly couldn't take it anymore, so I did something drastic. I cut her off completely and focused on my girlfriend who for some magical reason had a striking resemblance to Megan (#once again don’t judge me).

I tried so hard to get her to notice my every move, changed my Facebook profile picture to one with  my new girlfriend and I, changed my twitter handle to my Girlfriends name.  All these I did just to get her jealous. Although it worked, although she came back saying she had missed me and would like us to meet up again and carrying on from where we had left. O Little did I know she was planning to take me deeper in the friend zone, into “Friendception”. By the way Friendception is the stage whereby you are so deep in the friend zone everything you do only takes you deeper and deeper.

Back to the story, I was so happy that I had finally broken out of the Friend Zone. I was finally going to be with my dream girl. We went out on dates and for once she slept over at mine(nothing happened *Just imagine*) She then invited me over to her place, made me meet her mum and dad, it was all going well until her mum said those words “You guys are perfect for each other” and  Meagan’s reply literally sent my world crashing, I can remember her reply  so clearly “ I wish the guy I finally end up with would be exactly like  my besty(who unfortunately was yours truly "Moi") Mummy”  I became dazed, shocked, cold and hot at the same time. Not long after that she got engaged and as though that was not enough , She begged me to give a speech at her wedding.

Now, you know why I am standing here giving this speech.  I really want to do what Jesus would do!! give a good speech, then walk away and leave her to live happily ever after. Or better yet I think I might just make this story my Toast*Evil grin*

*Stay tuned for what happened after the awkward moment when I narrated  my story.  Telling the bride how I  have had a crush on her all my life in front of  her groom and everyone in the wedding*

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Pointing to the YOUTHS and asking WHY?

"It’s quite easy to have an opinion, I kid you not it is even easier to share that opinion. However it’s not easy to convince others why you have that opinion"

Today’s world is filled with so many concepts, beliefs, paradigms, in fact!! Life paints the picture of some sort of never ending exam. Everyone’s trying to explain this and that, scientist faulting religion, student faulting teacher, Parents faulting children. And this all balls down to a three letter word "WHY?” 

We use it in our everyday lives "why is there no light NEPA" "why is there no petrol", "Mr policeman why have you stopped me", "Mr president why have you not fulfilled any of your obligations", "why did he collect that bribe" "why is there traffic today  why?, why? , why?. 

In essence what’s the main reason of asking WHY? In all fairness I would say to get answers understand the motives of others and the reasons for their actions. I have come across so many people through life's course, some have been nice, some mean and some just plain weird. In retrospect the only Impressions that last are the whys. Why was he nice to me? Why was she mean to me?  omg why is he so weird? Why? Why? Why? OK am sure now you are fully on the same page with me. I am sure you are thinking at this moment, what am I on about and saying to yourself reading this blog? Well if you’re not in these frames of mind could I just ask you why?

My blog is dedicated to YOU reading this, not to the Nigerian government, not to our lackadaisical populace, gullible illiterate masses, too busy to care middle class, corrupt ruling class, not to the political parties and most especially not to the President Jonathan.

I truly think we have for so long asked others the question why? And not focused on the main problem.

Our forefathers asked the colonialists why?

 "Why on earth did you bring very different tribes and nations together under one roof?, why did you then bring us together and further outline our differences by inculcating the divide and rule system why?

Our leaders asked our forefathers why? 

"OK!! we are aware of the fact that we are one nation now, but why have you lots decided to further divide the country by creating policies which clearly bring a definition between Nigerians, why have you created a system which sees my fellow Nigerian as another person entirely different from me" why?

The masses ask the leaders why?

 "Why don't we have light? Why don't we have water?  Why don't we have good roads? Why don’t we have jobs? Why don't we have food" why don't we have a good educational system? Why don't we have good hospitals? Why don't you actually feel the suffering of an average Nigerian? Aren’t you supposed to be our leaders (which in essence means to be at our beck and call every second, minute, hour and day) why?

Our Charity organisations and various initiatives ask each other why? 

"Why are external forces of change not helping? Why don't the people see what we see in them? Why are the government officials so nice to us? Why? Why? Why?

However we have failed to direct the whys to the main recipient and the major culprits. Am sure you already know what is going to say next. 

We have failed to ask ourselves the question why?

I AM THUS ASKING YOU WHY?

"Why do you leave everything for the government? Why do you not care about the future of Nigeria, why did you go through a road clearly marked as a one way traffic zone just because you are in a rush? Why do you think you are above the law because your parents are in power? Why do you think your kinsmen are the best man for the job when you can see so many people who are more qualified than they are? Why did you not register to vote? Why do you condone the fact that the government have turned electricity to money making venture by buying a generator? Why did you give that bribe? Why did you collect that bribe? Why are we so myopic when it comes to change? Why are you swindling that guy, he might be the one to bail you out of jail tomorrow? Why did you join a cult don’t you feel proud of who you are? Why are we not learning from other nations? Why? Why? Why?

I can go on and on about why YOU are also to blame for Nigeria's current situations. This blog was not to lay blame on anyone but to open the eyes of readers on why we need to change the Nigerian mentality we all live by and how we can change our mind-set on how we can all bring about change to our motherland Nigeria.

The Change starts from YOU.
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Lagos calls me Stranger

You have to be kidding me, did I just feel a bump on the run way, or did I just imagine that. O well!! It’s time to smell that hot humid air of my first love, Nigeria. Time to feel sweat trickle down my brow. Time to feel that kiss from my ever faithful darling "Mosquito", O well, to be honest I had been dreaming of this day for so long.

Classic! Naija! Oops, am I allowed to say that Dora Akinyuli (joker). Everyone’s struggling and pushing to leave this sandwiched economy class cabin. I bask in the rain of abuses, accents and local dialects engulfing me, what a beautiful mess” (Copyright Murielle John Africa). Classic! Naija!

Finally, after waiting as a civilised person would! in other words what a Nigerian would deem as “dulling”, I stepped unto the aisle and made my way to the exit.

I heard a man bellow out “Oga anything for your boy” I answered him, with a happy “I no get anything for you” smile. As I made my way out of The Murtala Mohammed Airport, I was suddenly hit with this feeling of Nostalgia. I felt like the Prince of Zamunda, the crowd ahead of me definitely did not make matters any better, as they welcomed me like a royal.

I recognized a pair of glasses in the crowd, it’s was dad’s! I wove to him and he came out of the crowd behind the barricade with a big hug. “Shey Shey” He said. How was your trip? Hope customs and immigration did not harass you?

I looked around, and noticed how different everything looked, it seemed not long ago, I said farewell to Nigeria, not long ago since I said farewell to t he hustle. To go do my Master’s degree and a PhD (Pretty hard Degree). This doesn’t look like my home town anymore! The streets seemed to be filled with “Eko O ni baje” (Lagos will not spoil), street lights illuminated the once dark Third mainland bridge. was it me or did I not notice any police check points, did we actually stop for the red light. Wow! I really am, loving this. No sign of women on the streets of Sanusi Fafunwa, No beggar living desolate on the side of the road.

I stared at the pavement that once used to call me friend, which once used to lead me home. We drove through the gates into the house I so dearly used to call home. I step into light instead of the darkness I used to call NEPA or PHCN as some might call it.

This is too much for me to take in, why does Lagos calls me stranger, a traveller, is this home? I shut my eyes and wake up, in my tiny British room, in my small town called York.

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An Untimely Visitor

My heart has sunk so low, it has turned dark. The rays of light which brought about hope has suddenly been eclipsed by:

Fear- The kind that brings along he's companions namely.

 Sorrow - He's fears first mate; they walk together like the sight of a rainbow and the thought of a pot of gold.)

Tears – He is slippery and quick to come on any scene; he always has sorrows back but sometimes decides to pay a visit to JOY (Who is a distant cousin of sorrow). You see tears pledges allegiance to both sorrow and joy even though they never meet EYE TO EYE.

Distrust- She is the lone ranger of the four friends she has the knack to always be on her own. This is because she has taken the stance never to believe in anyone else. Well she is also very fragile because like all females she was driven into this situation by circumstance and has now taken her final stance.

I hope I have successfully painted a picture of how the situation is. My scene begins with me sitting with this pen and bleeding the ink on my paper in a dimly lit room, surrounded by distorted sounds coming from all around me. The main theme bellows out sadness. It seems something really precious has been lost but what on earth could it be, were there burglars, no!!!!! Everything still looks intact. Was it that someone had falling seriously ill no can’t see any medications or any sick person. REALLY I am getting confused what could warrant such sadness, in one place. Suddenly I see a big wooden rectangular object trimmed to the finest and brightly ornamented with gold and silver linings.

Then it struck me DEATH just paid a visit to LIFE.

(We are all Gods children death has no power over us in Jesus's mighty name this is just a fictional write up)

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Friendship leaves a Mark

I really haven't written in a long time, let alone for the public so!!!!!! I don't really know how this might come out, but am keeping my fingers crossed. You all know everything I pour down on paper is an outlook of my sweet little life, from my piece on broken allegiance (which is basically me talking about how parents and their children should try to see life from each other’s perspectives, and I taking the side of the parents instead of my peers), Who ever told you to believe what u believe and You win some and lose the best.

Well it starts like this! I was sleeping, well am not a very deep sleeper, easily awoken by the slightest of sounds call it paranoia or what not. But suddenly I woke up, really wasn't a noise that woke me up, but actually, because my thoughts were creating music in my head, every single thought led to one face. 

Guessing you want to know about the owner of my mystery face! She was younger than me for about two years, she was one of the strongest people emotionally that I have ever been opportune to meet, she was fragile and sweet but had the heart and courage of a lion, in essence she was my Feather Weight champion. She kind of made me see stars, my knock out queen, who K.O'd all the ice in my heart and left it warm and mushy. J

You'll think with all this reminiscence about someone that the whole story would be about her. But actually all good things must come to an end. My whole purpose of writing this is just me reminiscing about all the beautiful, nice and lovely people I have met in all my life.

 Someone once told me “never regret anything or person that made you smile”, someone also told me “the ones who care, don't matter But the ones who matter, don’t care” (took a long time to understand that but eventually with an open mind I got to see hidden meaning in it).The most important thing here is that all these sayings were said by my FRIENDS. 

I coined a meaning for who a true friend means to me. A true friend is to me "one who never leaves”. Even though situations might take us to different parts of the world or separate us. Part of that person rubs off on you till forever. Even though we don’t talk anymore I still use their words even though we haven’t seen in forever, I love doing things they used to do. A TRUE FRIEND always leaves a long lasting mark.

A friend to me is someone who will

F.........Forever

R.........Remain

I.........Indispensably

E.........Enduring 

N.........Not 

D.........Disposable 

That's what all my friends mean to me. 
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Struggles of a Nigerian Abroad

Right now, I am writing this from a four bedroom shared apartment in a little town called York, working a part time night shift of 5 till 9 as a telesales advisor, with no savings to my name and talking to the most beautiful girl in the world (my girlfriend). Nevertheless on paper (my curriculum Vitae) I have a diploma in Social administration and development, a bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Masters in Public Administration/Public Policy Analysis and at the moment working on a professional Qualification.

 The picture I have just painted is the reality which over 50 per cent of Nigerians in the UK face. Realistically speaking, my last statement might be seen as a complete generalisation, due to the lack of factual evidence in backing my report. However I won’t bore you on the details of collating factual statistics and how the Nigerian foreign affairs ministry should be able to provide this statistics (Which I have painstakingly searched for and just hit a dead end).So permit me to give my answer based on hearsay and my experience from the United Kingdom.

I recently graduated from one of the top ten schools in the UK and for the last one year I have been trying to secure a full time graduate role (I might as well be lazy and blame it on the recession). I was lucky to secure a job as a part time telesales advisor (bottom of the labour market). In order words I am a telesales agent with a master’s degree in politics and public management, don’t forget I am currently working towards my professional qualification and still applying for the graduate roles before my visa expires in less than 12 months. O I forgot to tell you the only way I can renew my Visa is if I secure a full time Graduate role.

On the other hand, if I was in Nigeria (this I also am basing on hearsay). I would most likely be working at the Lagos State Internal Revenue Service or as a junior staff in a bank earning less than 150000 a month. You might think it is a lot but wait till you deduct housing, food, and transport thus leaving me with nothing. Although it is said “there is no place like home”, and “Nigeria is where the money is at”. Yes those statements are true if you have a parent working in the Presidency or as they say “if you have leg”. Well I don’t have leg so I am taking a stance with the people who live on less than nothing a day, the medical doctor who works as a marketer, the engineer working as a lesson teacher and all the people who came out for the Occupy Nigeria protest. To be honest I believe Home is being slowly transformed into hell by the few at the helms of power.

I have given you a glimpse into my life and thought process,  guess I will leave you with one of my aspirations and goals in life, which is to get as much experience, awareness and know how on my career path, no matter how much I have to suffer. And then come back to Nigeria to make a difference. This I have promised myself and my country Nigeria.  So I leave you with the task of answering the question based on the little glimpse I have given you, into my life. Do you think young people studying/working abroad outside Nigeria face more or less challenges?

Stay tuned to “The ramblings of a Nigerian abroad”.
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